"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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