So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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