come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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