I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
