i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
