this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
