Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
