Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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