He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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