What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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