there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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