there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
