so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
