Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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