Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love having hate sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
