The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
