i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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