i was born a porn star she said
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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