tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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