my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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