I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
