He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
