You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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