Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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