that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need a beard to bite.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
