That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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