tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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