somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
