You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
