the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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