I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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