I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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