but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
