We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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