Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
