I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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