I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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