It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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