u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
