Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
