Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
