apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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