Yo dont text me then not text me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
