So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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