I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
