do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
