Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
