I faked an abortion last night.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
