My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
