So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
